Sometime late 2019 my YouTube addiction brought me a blessing. I kept seeing videos popping up about a young singer from Kazakhstan called Dimash, who supposedly was this sensational phenomenon. I resisted for as long as I could. Then I finally watched a reaction video from one of my favourite reactors, to Dimash performing a song called Love is like a dream. Again I resisted. It’s not my genre but he sure can sing, I thought. Very handsome too. But what’s with all the DRAMAH. Besides, there is no way it’s real. There can be no such range, no such voice. But I listened to another one, called SOS d’un terrien en détresse. It touched my heart deeply, although I still felt resistance. I was still reluctant to fall for something so out of the ordinary, so miraculous. I kept listening though.

Then came Olimpico, a piece so spectacular that it seems impossible that someone would even try to sing it live in front of a full stadium. And yet Dimash does it, flawlessly. That powerful voice somehow flowing out of such a young angel face. And when he’s done, he allows himself a little smirk for a job well done & starts thanking the audience. Like it’s nothing. I knew I witnessed a shift in reality, a true miracle that somehow had landed in my world. Something completely new, defying previous existence. I felt a teetering, crazy moment of infinity. And it changed me forever. I no longer wanted to resist this mesmerising, revolutionary music. So when Daididau came around, in which Dimash without restraint pours out the sorrow of his ancestors, I was ready to open my heart. The sweat, the tears. How he is just so young for such intensity. With that one he had me for good.

Listening to him has had extraordinary effects on me, made me cry until I blacked out, changed my energy, brought me dreams & visions, awareness of my soul’s allegiance. I owe Dimash so many thanks for what he has helped me with & what he has taught me, both as an artist & as a person. And so do countless fans worldwide. Yes, it is absolutely a cult. We know!

In short: I got crashlanded by Kazakh spaceboi singing my home star frequency. My feathers were THOROUGHLY ruffled.

Let’s rewind for a minute, back to 2007. This was the year I met my former boyfriend. At that time I was being very creatively productive, and I worked on two opera productions back to back. I also made a couple of clay masks, bigger pieces than I’d made before. This one was the first male, and he was very different. All I knew was that this was a young man from somewhere in Central Asia, and that he was a shaman. And he was singing himself into a trance. I didn’t know why I made this. I didn’t really know what to do with him, so I put him in a box in my workroom. Already I was losing my interest in making things, in expressing myself, doing theatre. Due to the relationship I had gotten myself into, and the changes it brought to my life. I don’t think I made anything during that time. And so the Singing Shaman stayed hidden for many years. A few years after the breakup I ran across the mask, and I felt very sad. He was so beautiful, but I knew I didn’t have the focus or the energy for anything as complex as this, and so I put him back in the box again. And I more or less forgot he was there for some more years.

Fast forward to end of 2019. One rainy afternoon I wasn’t feeling too great, so I was lying on the couch trying to cheer myself up with Dimash’ New York concert. A very magical event with wonderful energy. I remember at one point his emotion and joy were so overwhelming to me I couldn’t take it in. I saw a bright light in my third eye, and I felt a very intense energy that was too much for me. So I pulled a blanket over my face and went to sleep, like a total wimp! When I woke up I kept seeing flashes of a pink shoebox in my workroom. Huh. I went to look, and of course it was the box that the Singing Shaman mask was in. The box was at the bottom of the pile, half squished. The mask hadn’t even been varnished yet, it’s a miracle it was still in one piece! Apparently he was ready to come out…

And so the work started. As if it wasn’t clear enough already, it soon became apparent that Spirit was very interested in this project. In particular the ancestors from the Great Steppe. Here is what I saw when I started designing:

Hopefully you can see what I see: a man in a traditional round fur hat as is often worn in Kazakhstan. And that was only one of the signs I kept receiving. Another one was the first handful of juvenile swan feathers I found. So then I got the idea to use feathers for the crown, which gave me the basic idea for the design. Slowly it started to come together.

It boggles my mind that apart from the feathers I found almost all materials years in advance, without knowing what they were for. The blue moonstones, especially the one on the third eye which has a face in it, like a mini mask. The piece of vintage Moroccan leather that was the exact size and shape, including the tassels. The silk, the wood for the stand… A lot of it just clicked together. But it also was a struggle very often.

Not in the least part because I kept getting messages that the mask was intended for Dimash. That his ancestors wanted him to have it. I am a spiritual worker, I do readings for people, so I am used to spirit communication. However, with this one I thought I had to be mistaken. I thought I was either delusional or my head was getting too big! I mean, why would Dimash’ ancestors take an interest in my hobby project, right? I was in a bit of distress about it actually, not least because of some mental health history in my family. But then I came across some very interesting information. Apparently about 5000 years ago, people from the Great Steppe made it all the way to Scandinavia, and vice versa. From what I understand, about 50% of Norwegians (and probably other Nordic countries) have DNA linking them to Central Asia. Since I also have Nordic ancestry it is not unlikely that I have these very remote ancestors from the Great Steppe as well. So with that in mind I felt far more at ease with this assignment, and I felt even more inspired.

When I started working with the feathers that I found I had no clue about feather work. I didn’t even know how to clean them! I had to redo them so many times, I made so many mistakes. There was the time that the feathers got mites. MITES! Every feather worker’s nightmare! Or when Spirit had me find a good handful of miraculous swan feathers on the beach. Which I then proceeded to RUIN by trying too hard to clean them. Aargh. But I learned a lot along the way. I even did a class on Native American ritual feather work, to take proper care of them and their energy. Like I said, the grey juvenile feathers I found myself. The sea gull feathers too. The bigger swan feathers I had to buy. But they are all ethically sourced, naturally dropped feathers. No animal was killed for them.

I stitched the feathers on the silk while singing mantras, so you could say every stitch was a prayer. For Dimash, for the world, for peace. It helped my peace of mind so much, during the pandemic. Dimash’ concerts got postponed TWICE, which was very frustrating & baffling. Hadn’t spirit said I was to give him the mask at the concert? Then why wasn’t the concert happening?? But after a while I was able to see that this was a blessing in disguise. The first time round in 2020, I had so little time until the concert date. The mask would have been a disaster. A year later it was still far from ready. But the more I took my time, the better my work became. The more ambitious the design, the bigger the feathers! So above all else, the Singing Shaman taught me the virtue of patience, and trust in Divine Timing.

In the end I still had to rush of course, but that actually improved my focus & creativity. I do need a deadline! I had been dreading gluing the clay face & the feather mask together literally for years. On my list of stuff needed I wrote, NERVES OF STEEL. But what I really needed was preparation. I measured & measured again. I did a practice round, and I timed the gluing process until I was confident. So it turned out not to be so nerve wracking after all. It came out perfectly. And I had learned another lesson.

Then I had to build a box for transport, which was another project in itself. I never want to look at cardboard again! I wrote a letter for Dimash, explaining all the symbolism. I packed a lot of stroopwafels for the entire team. And off we went he & I, all the way to the icy outskirts of Düsseldorf. I handed in the box, and that was that.

In the evening I went to the long-awaited concert, with thousands of other Dears from all over the world. The tour is called ARNAU, Dedication. Which basically tells you all you need to know about Dimash. Nothing could have prepared me for this concert. THAT VOICE filling a stadium. His presence, his beautiful happiness. The waves of love rolling back & forth between him & the Dears. I sat with my jaw on the floor, my hands on my heart, my spirit somewhere in space. Afterwards my friend & I just looked at each other, eyes round & mouth ajar, unable to speak.

Dimash has said that as an artist you need to ‘become a phoenix on the stage, which burns itself & re-arises from your ashes. If you don’t die at every performance & you don’t resurrect, you’re not doing your job well.’ Such intense transformation is the work of the shaman. For themselves, for the world. When I read these words in early 2020 I started to actually believe that the Singing Shaman belonged with this incredible, visionary artist. What he transmits is not of this world. I’m so happy the baqsi is with Dimash now.

As for me, I know that the cycle with my ex is now finished. I have shed his energy, I’m finally recovering. I’m ready to rise from the ashes too. My creativity is returning, my confidence growing. And Dimash has helped me so much with this. Through his music, going to the concert which pushed me far out of my comfort zone, and through the Singing Shaman. Ulken rakhmet, dearest. Onwards & upwards.